Complaining

Words are powerful. They can beat us down and lift us up. They wound and they heal. And the right words at the right time can be exactly what we need to hear—or what we need to say. Let’s find the right words to speak.

In part one of the series My Big Fat Mouth pastor Craig Groeschel preaches a great message about complaining. When we complain it feels good in the moment, we get to vent all our negative emotions, but what complaining does over time is it rewires our brains to think more negatively. The more we complain, the more we will see negativity everywhere we look.

If we want to thrive in this life complaining isn’t the path to take. When we are faced with difficulty we can choose to do something about the situation instead of complaining about it. When we are faced with a difficult situation we can change something in our lives and make things better, but if we can’t change the situation we can always change our perspective. Perspective is everything.

Life isn’t so much about what happened to us, it all depends on how we perceive what happened to us. Here’s the thing: if we think that this life is all bout us, we will constantly have something to complain about. If I have a world view in which I think that the world revolves around me, I will have a lot to complain about. If I’m the main character in the story, then I shouldn’t have to face these difficulties. Why does she get to meet “the one” and I don’t? Why did he get promoted and I didn’t? Why do I have to go through this struggle? it’s not fair!

If I believe that I’m the most important person in this life then it’s natural for me to complain when things don’t look great for me. But if I realize that this life isn’t all about me I will be able to see the bigger picture when I’m faced with difficulty rather than to complain. It’s a sobering thought isn’t it? The more I complain, the more I believe that the world should revolve around me. If I’m aware that the world revolves around God I will notice the purpose in every struggle, rather than to think that it’s not fair that I have some struggles. When I believe that life is all about me it also becomes very easy for me to miss the blessings in my life, as I zoom in on what’s not great right now.

How to build a strong and healthy marriage

Craig and Amy Groeschel celebrated their 26th wedding anniversary this year. I'm not surprised that Craig&Amy have a strong, healthy and passionate marriage because they are clearly practicing what they preach about marriage. Love works, if we just commit to live it out. Pastor Craig Groeschel gives some great advice in this sermon on how we can pursue each other in marriage to make sure we stay in love. If you are single this sermon will give you the tools you need to know what a healthy relationship looks like. If you are married this sermon will give you tools to strengthen your marriage.


Craig talks about how when couples feel like they have "fallen out of love" somewhere along the way they stopped pursuing each other. We naturally pursue what we don't have, so we can't wait for a natural urge to do the right thing. If we want to keep our marriage healthy and strong we will need to get intentional about pursuing our spouse. There is no other area in life where we can be lazy and still see improvement. We can't be lazy at work and expect to do well in our careers. Why do we think we can be lazy in our marriages and still have a great marriage? I like this quote by Craig Groeschel: "In your marriage, if the grass looks greener somewhere else, it's time to water your own yard." How can we make sure we continue to pursue each other in marriage? Here's a few guidelines to live by:


1. When you think something good, SAY it.

The Bible calls us to encourage one another daily (Hebrews 3:13). Men and women respond well to different types of encouraging words. Men long for words of affirmation. Us women can gain a lot from restraining ourselves from pointing finger at our husbands faults and weaknesses. When we keep encouraging him with words of affirmation he will be motivated to grow. Pointing finger at his weaknesses won't motivate him to keep growing. Every husband wants to know: Do you believe in in me today?


2. When you think something special, DO it.

"If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn't do it, it is sin for them" (James 4:17). Anytime you know something good that you should do to be a blessing, do it. Be creative: fill up the car with gas, write a love note, surprise your spouse by arranging a night at a hotel while the kids are with a babysitter etc. Anything that you know will be a blessing to your spouse.


3. When you want something different, BE it.

Don't complain about what your spouse is not, focus on who God wants you to become. We will never criticize ourselves into a better marriage. Do you want something different? You become something different. You can't change anyone else than yourself. When you change for the better your new behavior will influence and motivate your spouse to change too.

If you don't like what you're getting, look at what you're giving. Instead of complaining about what you are not getting ask yourself: "What can I give to add value to our marriage?" I like this quote from Craig Groeschel: "To get what you've never had, you must do what you've never done." If your marriage was special in the beginning, it can be special again. You know what to do, you did it before. Commit to always pursue your spouse and you will have the wonderful marriage that God wants you to have.