When our dreams, passions & purposes collide

Three years ago, my husband and I took a course at church that can help you figure out your purpose in life. I was a bit nervous about getting the results. What if our missions in life look completely different and don’t collide at all? When my husband and I met and got married we were both “baby Christians”. We believed in God, but we didn’t know him very well. We weren’t exactly living life with God and for God. We had no idea what we were created for. We chose each other simply because we liked each other, not necessarily because our passions and purposes in life were the same.

I’ve heard many couples who got divorced say something like this: “We just realized that we want entirely different things in life, so we couldn’t continue to be married.” It’s always very sad when a couple who has built a life together and had children conclude that they want to separate. Imagine how much pain that could be avoided if each couple found out that they want different things in life prior to getting married and having kids. What often happens when a couple wants different things in life is that one person gives up their own dreams and passions to fit their spouse’s life better. This strategy will only work for awhile, in the beginning when our romantic feelings are strong we don’t mind giving up our dreams for our spouse. Ten years later when we have been married for a long time we will start to resent the fact that we had to give up our own dreams when we got married.

I'm sorry, I can't stay awake any longer. I'm falling asleep.

When my husband and I got our results from the course about finding our purpose I was both relieved and excited. Our passions and purposes in life collide beautifully. We were told that it’s helpful to narrow down our passions in life to 1-2 different people groups that we are passionate about serving for the rest of our lives.

My two people groups were:

1.) Serving Young Women through the Women’s Ministry and Care ministry at Church.

2.) Serving kids in poverty

My husband’s two people groups were:

1.)  Serving Young men/adolescents through mentorship

2.)  Serving people in poverty (the homeless and others)

It was so funny to see the results that we came to on our own. We were clearly made for each other. The thing is, marriage is about so much more than enjoying the love, sex and romance that marriage involves. God created each one of us for a specific purpose, a mission to accomplish in this life. The point of romance isn’t to meet “the one” and then focus on ourselves for the rest of our lives. We were all meant to do something with our lives, to serve other people. The more obvious part of the purpose for each married couple is to have children and raise them up to become healthy and responsible adults one day, but that’s not all. Yes, having children is a huge part of our purpose for most married people, but we are also called to love people outside of our own family. Marriage is all about the mission that God has put on our lives. My husband is someone who God sent to help me accomplish the calling that He put on my life even before I was born. It’s not a coincidence that I have some specific strengths, gifts, skills and life experiences that other people don’t have. It’s all meant to help me accomplish my mission in life, to live out my purpose.

Not all people will be called to marriage in this life, Mother Teresa was single. She didn’t need a husband to accomplish a lot of good during her lifetime on Earth. Paul in the Bible was single, and Jesus was single also. Getting married or having children isn’t the point of this life, the mission is the point. Sadly, we live in a culture that attaches status to being married and having kids. Some people get married and have children because they are passionate about marriage and raising children, others do it to look good in a culture that equates marriage and kids with a successful life.

Teamwork. Serving is so much more fun when we do it together.

Singleness is viewed as being “less than” in our culture, but not in God’s eyes. Mother Teresa and Paul were definitely not “less than” in God’s eyes because they were single, rather the opposite. Paul became one of the apostles and how many different churches are named after Paul all around the world today? You can find “St. Paul’s Cathedral” everywhere around the world. Mother Teresa has been sanctified and is called “Saint Teresa” today. Let’s just say God probably called these two people to singleness for a reason, it was on purpose.

When Katie Davis Majors was 18-years old she moved to Jinja,Uganda to serve the poor. She didn't know if she was ever going to be called to marriage, but she knew for sure that God had called her to serve the poor. Today Katie still lives in Jinja and God sent her a husband who is also passionate about serving the poor. Katie and her husband Benji have a biological son today, plus 13 adopted daughters, most of them teenagers. God sent Katie a husband that fit into her mission in life perfectly and beautifully.

Joanna was in her forties and single when God called her to move to Africa and start an orphanage. Today she is still single and has 50 foster children that she lives with. I assume Joanna probably doesn't feel lonely just because she isn't called to marriage, she has 50 foster kids to love. We don’t need a spouse to be able to accomplish our mission in life but if God calls us to marriage we can be sure that He will match us up with someone who will be the fuel for our dreams, not someone who hinders them from coming true.

How to discover what your gift is

It's very difficult to live a life of purpose unless we know what our gifts are. The purpose of this life is partly the same for all human-beings; to love God and love people. On the other hand, how we choose to serve God and serve other people will depend on what areas we are gifted in. God does not desire a person with very low empathy to be the one running the care ministry in the church for example. A person with low empathy won't be able to feel enough compassion for those who need help through the care ministry.


We are all gifted in very different ways but no gift is worth more than another in God's eyes. All different types of gifts were given to us by God for one purpose; to serve Him and serve other people. We aren't meant to use our gifts towards selfish ambition, but rather to help other people in this world. There is somebody out there in the world right now who is praying to God for help in an area where you are able to help. Don't waste your gift, put it to use!


When I was in the process of figuring out my purpose a couple of years ago I found it helpful to read books about purpose. One of the more obvious things we need to figure out what our gifts are is a list of all the things we are good at. I find it helpful to write them all down. Another tip that I learned from reading books about purpose was to ask yourself the question: "What makes me righteously angry?" There are many different types of injustice in our world but we will know what we are meant to change when it makes us really angry. I always get really upset when I see children who are suffering at the hands of their parents or because of our broken society. Kids in poverty and kids who have been abused is one of my people groups that I want to spend my life serving. I also get very upset when I see any type of modern day slavery in our society; human trafficking, the lack of fair trade etc. Helping children get a better life and fighting modern day slavery are two of my greatest passions.


Another way we can know what God wants us to do with our lives is by taking a Spiritual Gifts Test. We all have certain gifts that we are born with (natural gifts) and then we also have spiritual gifts. Our spiritual gifts are given to us by the Holy Spirit and the more we are filled with the spirit the more evident they become in our lives. Some examples of different spiritual gifts are: mercy, pastoring, teaching, wisdom, giving, healing, hospitality, leadership, miracles, evangelism, administration and service. Once I found out what my spiritual gifts are it became easier to see how I can help others by using both my natural gifts and spiritual gifts.


One of my top spiritual gifts is mercy. The gift of Mercy is "the divine strength or ability to feel empathy and to care for those who are hurting in any way." The gift of mercy is very helpful when I work with serving children in poverty for example. God will equip each one of us for entirely different jobs in this life but each person has been given a set of both natural gifts and spiritual gifts that God is expecting us to put to use.

What's my purpose?

Personal development are one of my biggest interests, as you can probably tell if you have been reading this blog for awhile. It excites me to hear stories about people who have overcome great obstacles in their lives and found healing from a very painful past. Every life on this Earth will include both joy and pain so I find it very encouraging to learn from people who have been through both.

One of the most encouraging things about being human is that we can choose what kind of life we want to live. We don't have to stay the way we are, we can grow and develop every year if we are willing, and live to see change we never even thought was possible. There are many different ways we can grow ourselves every year, one of my personal favorites is reading books. I seldom read fiction these days, I love reading Christian books and psychology books because they help me grow the most as a person.

Every year I read 1-2 books that end up changing my life forever and that alters the way I see the whole world. A couple of years ago I read "Drunk tank pink" by Adam Alter, a psychology book about how our environment shapes our thoughts and actions. This book totally changed how I view the world around me. This year one of the books that has changed my life the most is "Restless" by Jennie Allen.

 "Restless" is a book about figuring out the purpose of your life and seeing how your gifts, passions, places and relationships aren't random but deliberate and meaningful. Even the suffering we have experienced in life plays a part in our life purpose. Jennie Allen explains that where we have experienced the greatest suffering in our lives might just be the place where we are the most passionate to create a positive change in this world. If you have gotten tired of living a life without a clear direction this book will help you see your whole life from a new angle and figure out what you were placed here on Earth to do.

What's the purpose for my life?

Today we started the study called "Restless" by Jennie Allen at our Women Connect group at church. The goal of this study is to help each woman answer the question: "What's God's call on my life? We have all gone through different painful experiences in life, we live in different places and we are surrounded by different people. Each one of us have unique gifts and passions.

When we weave all these things together; our gifts, suffering, place, people and passions, we will discover that within all that lays a purpose. It is not a coincidence that we are in the exact place or stage in life where we are right now. God is inviting each one of us to be a part of his plan to restore this broken world.