Make Your Love Last

We live in an exciting time in history, we get to enjoy airplane rides that can take us all around the world, the internet, social media etc. Our modern inventions make life fun and exciting, but when it comes to love our modern society doesn't know what to do.


About 50% of all first marriages end in divorce and 67% of second marriages end in divorce. Why is it so difficult for us to make love last? One reason is that we tend to look to romantic relationships as something that should serve us, rather than as a calling to serve someone else. It's impossible to be very selfish and still have a healthy and florishing marriage. Real love isn't self-serving. When two people get married they are committing to serve each other for the rest of their lives. Anyone who has worked in the service industry knows that serving others isn't always fun or easy. It takes commitment, grit and sacrifice to be able to serve someone else.


Imagine how many kids would be in orphanages in Canada if every parent who got tired of serving his/her child decided to end the commitment to the child. Parenting is a lifelong commitment to serve another human-being, the same is true for marriage. Unfortunately we are partly raised by Hollywood movies that teach us that marriage will give us ultimate happiness in life. It won't. Marriage is a beautiful thing but just as with parenting a good marriage requires commitment, work and self-sacrifice. It's funny how the Hollywood movies never mention any of these things isn't it?

Marriage Mentors

We know that about half of all marriages end in divorce, so it’s safe to say that a good marriage isn’t something that just magically appears, it seems to take a bit of effort. During my years as a married woman I’ve learned that strong marriages don’t just happen, they are built. Every year my husband and I read a book about marriage to make sure we continue to grow as individuals and as a couple. Over the past four years I have learned that every marriage needs to be cared for and prioritized to ensure it stays healthy and flourishing.

I like to learn new relationship skills from reading books but I also like to have what I call “Marriage Mentors”. My parents and friends who have been married much longer than me are my marriage mentors, I can learn many things from them. I also have three other couples who I consider my marriage mentors: Craig & Amy Groeschel, Francis & Lisa Chan and Steve & Charlotte Gambill. Craig and Amy have written a book about marriage called From This Day Forward which is one of my favorite books. Francis and Lisa have also written a great book on marriage, the book is called You and Me Forever.

Steve and Charlotte Gambill are Lead Pastors at Life Church in the UK and they are my favorite Instagram couple. I love all their funny family pictures on Charlotte’s Instagram. You can tell that even after two kids and 24 years of marriage Charlotte and Steve are still very much in love with each other. Charlotte Gambill talks about her marriage in the video above and mentions a few lessons she had to learn on the journey with Steve.

Chad's Story

Listening to people's life stories on www.iamsecond.com always makes me start to cry. There is something really powerful about hearing a person's whole life story in just a few short minutes, with all the ups and downs that comes with living in this broken world. It becomes very clear that we will all face some really tough struggles in this life, nobody will be able to live a life that is always easy and happy. What will matter in the end is how we handle the challenges that come our way in life.


Chad Robichaux went to Afghanistan as a marine after the 9/11 attacks on the US. What felt exciting in the beginning, an opportunity to do something noble, quickly became a traumatic experience. Having to witness the evil of mankind up close and watch what people can do to other human beings for their own selfish gain led to Chad developing PTSD. Chad was forced to quit his job and his family life also suffered from his traumatic experiences in Afghanistan. Chad and his wife Kathy eventually decided to separate and filed for divorce.


Chad became a pro MMA champion and for awhile he felt like he had found a cure for his PTSD, while he was fighting he had a distraction that kept the memories from Afghanistan in the background. As time went on Chad wasn't able to run away from his issues and trauma any longer and he became very suicidal. During this time Kathy was going to church and started praying for her husband. Kathy was asking Chad not to give up on his life or family. Chad listened to Kathy and asked her to find somebody in her church who could help him. Chad got a mentor from church who helped him start to fight for his life and family again and do whatever it takes to find healing in his own emotional life and in his marriage.


As Chad developed a personal relationship with God his PTSD became something that no longer controlled him but something he had control over. Chad and his wife continued to work on their relationship and over time God brought restoration into their marriage and Chad moved back in with Kathy and the kids. After God saved Chad and Kathy's marriage and brought healing to Chad they both felt that they wanted to help others. Chad and Kathy decided to start a foundation that offers help to veterans and their families who are struggling with the effects of combat trauma. Today Chad and Kathy have been married for 21 years.

The Love Investment

Marriage seems to be one thing we really struggle with as a whole society. Today about half of all marriages end in divorce, so it's safe to say that we need to do something differently in the future if we want these statistics to change. I personally believe that we have a good chance at making our marriages last if we commit to doing the work needed and are interested in developing the tools we need to love our spouse well.

One thing my husband and I decided to do to "invest in our marriage" from the start was to read a book about marriage each year. During the year when we were engaged we read a couple of different books about building a healthy marriage and nowadays we read one book a year. The book we chose for 2016 is called: "The First Five Years-Make the love investment that lasts a lifetime" by Bill and Pam Farrel.

Bill and Pam Farrel write in the book that 50% of all divorces happen within the first seven years of marriage, 20% of the divorces happen within the first five years of marriage. In the beginning of a marriage we develop routines, habits and tools that will either make the love last or that will break the love. Bill and Pam Farrel write:

"The patterns you develop now-the ways you choose to view and treat each other, handle conflict and crisis-form the foundation of your life together. You can intentionally build a relationship that can withstand any challenge."

Happily ever after?

Today about half of all marriages don't last. If we want our marriages to last we are going to have to invest some time and energy into staying in love. I find that many people still believe that marriages should work on their own, and that if you have to work at it that's a sign that you are with the wrong person. If we are looking for a perfect person to share our lives with then this way of thinking makes sense, but chances are "the one" won't be perfect. We all have our personal "issues" and when two people with issues marry each other there will be problems. I think the better approach would be if we all decided we are going to educate ourselves about how to solve problems in romantic relationships, rather than trying to find a person to marry who doesn't have any issues.

My husband and I have friends who have promised each other to attend at least one marriage conference every year. Most cities offer some type of marriage conference a few times a year where couples can learn about how to stay in love and build a strong and happy marriage. I know another couple who have many kids and therefore decided that they will take one vacation a year just the two of them. I'm convinced that happy and healthy marriages require both planning and real effort. You don't get a great marriage by luck, you build a great marriage.

My husband and I have decided that we will read at least one book about marriage per year as one of the many things we do intentionally to build up our marriage. This year we chose the book: "From This Day Forward" by Craig and Amy Groeschel.